


Snapback Olympics

by Ashimattack



Series: Fragments [9]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 19:06:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10928109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashimattack/pseuds/Ashimattack
Summary: “Yeah, I once knew a man who could spit so far it would travel all the way around the entire world then come back around and hit him in the back on the head,” said Terushima, “now that’s real talent. But what’s he doing? Just sitting in a bar in Uzbekistan.”“Could you not trick someone into thinking that had happened to them by having them try and then just spitting on the back of their neck,” asked Tsukishima pragmatically. Terushima paused for a moment.“Well, yeah that’d.. shit,” he said eloquently.





	Snapback Olympics

**Author's Note:**

> lmao I wrote half of this at the start of the year and half of it now is that obvious??  
> Also is anyone still reading this??? I'm so sorry!

Akaashi wiped his brow as he walked to the icebox. The sweltering heat was nearly unbearable and he cursed as his sweating fingers fumbled with the lock. There was a gush of freezing air when he finally opened the door and he nearly groaned with relief as he grabbed a bag. He stood for a moment before sadly closing the door again and locking it quickly.

Akaashi hated hot weather.

The humid air was thick and made all his clothes stick to him. He uncomfortably pulled his –usually loose- shirt off of his chest, feeling self conscious by how clingy it had become.

He returned the key before slowly trudging back home. He’d lost in a game of rock-paper-scissors and had been forced to make the long journey to the service station to pick up a bag of ice for everyone’s drinks. Fortunately for him, the service station was next door to the house Kuroo and Bokuto shared with Oikawa and Iwaizumi, unfortunately for him, it was hot enough that the short trip had left him sweating even more. These drinks better be worth it.

He was expecting to find everybody in exactly the same positions he had left them in and was surprised to find that they had all relocated from the living room.

He wandered into the kitchen before spotting his three boyfriends all sitting in the staircase.

“Why are you not in the lounge room anymore?” he asked them all as he made to rip open the bag of ice.

“Wait don’t open it yet,” interrupted Kuroo, “you gotta break it up a little first.”

Akaashi raised an eyebrow.

“And how do you propose I do that?” he asked.

“Throw it on the ground really hard!” answered Bokuto.

“…what right here?” asked Akaashi, he was currently standing in the kitchen.

“Where else?” asked Kuroo.

“Obviously you would go outside,” said Tsukishima, shooting a quick glare towards Kuroo, “you guys don't need anymore marks on your floor.”

Bokuto actually managed to look sheepish at Tsukishima’s call out but Kuroo just grinned back at him.

“Hey I already told you those scrapes were an accident,” he said, “we were playing a game on the wheely chairs. Its not our fault one of the chairs didn't wheel properly.”

“Actually it is,” shot back Tsukishima, “if you guys didn’t break a new chair nearly every time I come here you wouldn’t have to resort to sliding around on chairs that don't glide.”

“Also that doesn’t explain the deeper scrapes…” added in Akaashi.

“Oh those are from the wheelbarrow.” Said Bokuto nonchalantly.

During the last hard rubbish collection Oikawa had expressed an interest in some of the furniture and told everyone to keep an eye out for a chest of drawers. Bokuto and Kuroo had missed the last part of this request and had assumed he might want any cool furniture they find. Oikawa had not been pleased at all when he came home to discover a wheelbarrow in his room and had screeched at the both of them until they carried it back downstairs and put it in the lounge room.

They put a few pillows inside the wheelbarrow and were planning on using it as a chair but it was too low and the broken wheel meant that it dug deep scratches into their hardwood floors. Also it was unbalanced and Kuroo had fallen out of it and hit his head on the side of the coffee table, but that and the resulting trip to the emergency room are a story they’d all rather forget.

“You guys still haven’t explained why you are sitting on the staircase and not in the loungeroom,” Akaashi reminded everyone. Whether it was out of genuine curiosity or simply to change the subject was anyone’s guess.

“Wait is this not the loungeroom?” asked Tsukishima with surprise.

“Yeah,” said Kuroo as he leaned back on the stairs, “I appear to be lounging right now, hence this must be a loungeroom?”

“Yah I’m pretty sure that anywhere you can lounge is a loungeroom,” said Bokuto as he leaned back on his wheely chair.

“You are not lounging,” deadpanned Akaashi.

Bokuto glared at him slightly and proceeded to lean back further.

Akaashi simply raised an eyebrow at him and Bokuto glared a little more before leaning down so far that his back was now on the floor. Akaashi was somewhat impressed at his ability to remain semi seated, as his butt was still technically on the chair but he wasn’t going to let that show so he simply stared. Bokuto cursed and tried to lean further but instead managed to fall off the chair and was now lying on the floor. Akaashi finally cracked a smile and Bokuto beamed.

“Was that worth it for the joke?” asked Akaashi.

“For the joke? Maybe not,” replied Bokuto, “but seeing you smile is definitely worth it. Also the floor is nice and cold.”

“If you’re hot why don't you go sit in front of the fan? Or upstairs?” asked Akaashi in exasperation, “you still haven’t told me why you are sitting on the staircase.”

“Oh because its cooler,” said Kuroo as though it was obvious.

“Yeah the upstairs evaporative cooling doesn’t make it all the way to the loungeroom but the stairway is breezy,” said Tsukishima, “come sit next to me and see.”

“Let me break up this ice and make everyone drinks first,” said Akaashi, bracing himself as he started to head outside again. Bokuto noticed his discomfort and jumped up off the floor.

“Here let me do it,” he said, taking the bag from Akaashi, “go sit with Tsukki.”

Akaashi smiled gratefully and sat down beside Tsukishima, noting with happiness that it was indeed cooler on the staircase.

“Wait let me do something,” said Kuroo, jumping up and running upstairs. Tsukishima and Akaashi just looked at each other for a moment before shrugging and smiling at the antics of the other two. Tsukishima grinned lazily at Akaashi before opening his arms towards the other. Akaashi hesitated for a moment at the thought of the heat but the hurt look in the others eyes at his refusal was enough to make him scramble forwards into the others arms. Tsukishima smiled and held him close.

Bokuto came back inside a moment later and grinned as he headed for the sink, then he ripped open the bag of ice and put some into four cups. He was filling them all with iced tea when they were all interrupted by Kuroo making a noise upstairs.

“You ready?” he shouted down and Bokuto’s face lit up immediately. Akaashi eyed them shrewdly, realising that they were up to something. He looked up at Tsukishima for clues but the taller boy simply smirked at him and held him tighter, Akaashi gaped in surprise at the utter betrayal but Tsukishima just laughed.

Akaashi braced himself for a moment before something soft landed on his head. He realised with a start that Kuroo was throwing something down the stairs.

“What on earth is-“

“Making it rain!” shouted Kuroo with glee as he dropped down a handful of money onto Akaashi.

“Why are you throwing money at me??” asked Akaashi.

“I don’t know,” replied Bokuto, “it seemed like a good idea.”

“Whose money is it?” asked Akaashi in surprise.

“Its mine so you can’t actually keep it,” said Tsukishima. Akaashi stared in surprise for a moment but the other just shrugged, “I get paid in cash and had a bit of a surplus. This seemed like the best idea.”

Akaashi just grinned at them all before reaching out and snagging a $10 note from the stair below him.

“You realise you’re not getting all this back?” he asked with a smirk. Tsukishima just grinned back.

“Oh don’t worry, I will,” Tsukishima said cockily.

“Okay so who wants tea?” asked Bokuto.

“Me!!” shouted Kuroo as he started down the staircase, jumping and skipping steps as he went. He gave both Tsukishima and Akaashi a kiss on the head as he passed them before running to Bokuto and gulping down the offered drink.

“It’s way too hot,” he complained, “I’m all sticky.”

“That could be because you just ran up and down the stairs,” pointed out Bokuto.

“Nah it’s probably not that,” replied Kuroo as he filled his cup with some more tea.

“You could always take a cold shower?” suggested Akaashi, “get rid of the sweat.”

“Maybe you should go have a cold shower,” shot back Kuroo petulantly.

“I just did though,” responded Akaashi just as fast, “I regularly shower in money.”

Tsukishima snorted and Kuroo just laughed.

“Hey shower me too!” said Bokuto.

“In praise?” asked Tsukishima.

“Yes!” was the enthusiastic response.

“That’s a nice hat bro,” said Kuroo.

“That doesn’t count as praise towards me,” replied Bokuto, “it was more towards the hat.”

“Ahh but the hat only looks nice because you’re wearing it,” answered Kuroo, “seriously it’s a snapback.”

“Yeah. Why are you wearing that snapback?” asked Akaashi.

“What’s the problem?” asked Bokuto in lieu of an answer, “am I not rocking it?”

“You actually really are rocking it,” said Tsukishima in bewilderment, “I’m kind of angry at just how good you look.”

“That’s exactly what the woman in the shop told me!” answered Bokuto, “she got all mad and called me a bitch.”

“What did you do to her?” asked Akaashi in horror.

“Ahh,” Bokuto’s face scrunched up cutely as he tried to recall, “well I was just trying on hats with Oikawa and she came over and said I looked really good in the hat.”

“That… is a wildly conflicting story to what you just told us?” asked Tsukishima.

“Then Oikawa agreed and said he was mad that he didn’t look as good in one,” continued Bokuto, “the woman agreed with him.”

“I’m still not seeing the problem?” asked Kuroo in confusion.

“What did you say to that?” asked Akaashi.

“I laughed and told them that the hats look bad on everyone and that I was just trying it on ironically,” continued Bokuto, “she said that she had been as well and called me a bitch.”

“That still doesn’t give us an explanation??” said Akaashi in exasperation.

“It also doesn't explain why you bought the hat,” pointed out Tsukishima.

“Well then I had a look in the mirror and realised that it did look really good,” said Bokuto with a shrug, “figured I’d buy it as a memento of that moment.”

“I’m glad you did so you could tell us that story,” said Kuroo as he stole the hat from Bokuto’s head and put it on his own. Bokuto yelped and fluffed up his hair a little, knowing it would be flat from wearing the hat all day in the heat.

“How do I look?” asked Kuroo with his arms out. Tsukishima eyed him shrewdly.

“You actually look pretty good,” he complained, ”what is with you two?”

“Put it on Akaashi!” requested Bokuto.

Kuroo took the hat off his own head and gently placed in on Akaashi’s. The other three all stared at him for a few moments before Kuroo hastily took it back.”

“That was weird.” Stated Kuroo after a moment.

“I thought Akaashi looked good in everything?” asked Tsukishima.

“Evidentially we have found the exception to that rule,” replied Kuroo.

Bokuto just teared up and jumped towards Akaashi with his arms out.

“I can’t believe the hat did that to you!” he sobbed, “it’s clearly evil.”

“Did… did it really look that bad?” he asked in bewilderment.

All three immediately froze and looked up in unison, Akaashi was sort of impressed and took a moment to wonder if they’d practiced that before all three started hastily making excuses at once.

“No, Sugar you look fantastic in everything!” said Kuroo.

“Ahh I wouldn’t say you looked bad, I mean… it's a snapback, they look bad on everyone!” argued Tsukishima.

“Baaaaaaaaaaabe I’m so sorry!” sobbed Bokuto.

“Guys chill,” said Akaashi, holding his hands up, “it’s cool. I don’t actually care.”

“Are you sure?” asked Bokuto tearfully.

“Of course,” replied Akaashi with a smirk as he snatched the hat back from Kuroo and attempted to throw it onto his head. His aim was slightly off and the hat hit Kuroo on the side of the head before he caught it. All four of them paused for a moment to grin at one another before they launched into action.

Kuroo fell into a ridiculous stance, squinting one eye slightly as he waved the hat around in mid air, trying to find the best angle to throw it at. 

“Kuroo is about to take his first throw,” said Bokuto in a deep voice as he held his phone up to his mouth as a fake microphone, “he’s a young up and comer, looking to take home the gold today.”

“Yes he’s got a nice stance,” added in Tsukishima, also using his phone as a microphone, “I don’t know about that hair though.”

“Yes I’m not certain if he’s trying to distract his opponent or to simply knock the hat off course,” continued Bokuto, “either way I’m not sure how it passed regulations.”

“It appears as though it may actually be covering one of his eyes,” mused Tsukishima, “perhaps the lack of depth perception is an advantage for our young Kuroo?”

“Guys don’t call me out like this,” complained Kuroo as he finally threw the hat towards Akaashi.

“Ohh his first throw is a miss,” commented Bokuto.

“Kuroo always starts off slow before bringing out his all,” reasoned Tsukishima, “I’m sure once he’s warmed up his opponent will be in for some trouble.”

“Speaking of his opponent,” said Bokuto, “Sir Akaashi is about to take his first official throw.”

“Hang on, why does he get that title?” asked Kuroo.

“He got knighted,” said Tsukishima with a shrug as Akaashi missed his first shot, “but this knight is gonna be in trouble if he doesn’t improve his aim.”

“I don’t remember that,” said Kuroo conversationally as he took his second throw.

“Sometimes I do things without you guys,” said Akaashi as he narrowly avoided getting smacked in the face with the visor, “the balance of the hat is off, this was easier with the sunhat.”

“If we didn’t change the hat then the game wouldn’t change either,” pointed out Tsukishima, “part of the game is getting used to the new hat.”

“Just another reason to love the sport,” said Bokuto with a wide grin, “interestingly enough that’s my hat that they’re using today; his first match!”

“Ahh and a final, no less,” replied Tsukishima, “you must be very proud.”

“I’m gonna rub it on my crotch,” said Kuroo.

“You better not,” warned Bokuto, “also the players shouldn’t be talking.”

“Yeah we’re trying to commentate here,” complained Tsukishima as yet another failed attempt was made by Akaashi, “we just missed like 6 rounds because you distracted us.”

“To be fair though, nothing actually happened in those 6 rounds,” remarked Bokuto.

“That’s true,” said Tsukishima after a pause, “you guys kinda suck.”

“Hey that’s rude,” complained Kuroo as he made another attempt.

“Players don’t talk,” reminded Bokuto before slipping back into his commentator voice, “both players are probably conserving energy for the time being.”

“Ah of course,” said Tsukishima, “the winner of this match goes onto the final round, where he’ll face off against the reigning champion!”

“Yep exciting times here at the snapback Olympics,” said Bokuto as he turned back to Kuroo and Akaashi, “and another failed throw by Akaashi.”

“Yes although that one did appear to be a little closer,” said Tsukishima.

Akaashi rolled his eyes and took his next throw, the all four of them held their breath in anticipation as the hat lingered above Kuroo’s head for a moment before falling onto the floor. 

“Dammit,” cursed Akaashi, “that one was so close!”

“Not good enough,” remarked Kuroo with a smirk as he took his next throw, it ended up missing completely and falling behind Akaashi. Akaashi frowned as he got up to retrieve the hat.

“At least it was closer than that,” he said and took another throw that also missed. Kuroo scoffed and took another shot that was much closer.

Akaashi rolled his eyes before biting his lip in concentration. The weight of the front of the cap was making it move weirdly in the air, maybe if he spun it? he considered it for a moment before shrugging and spinning the air towards Kuroo.

“Ooh Sir Akaashi is going for a trick shot,” commented Tsukishima, “some nice spin there, unfortunately it didn’t pan out for him.”

“Trying to counterbalance the weight of the visor with some spin is definitely an interesting tactic,” added in Bokuto.

“Oh looks like Kuroo is trying the same thing,” said Tsukishima, “looking a lot closer now too.”

The game continued on in much the same way for a while with the two alternating between various different types of throw. Many of which were wildly off and made someone get up to fetch it in a disgruntled manner. Eventually Akaashi managed to land the hat on Kuroo’s mess of hair.

All four of them paused for a moment in surprise before Tsukishima, Bokuto and Akaashi cheered simultaneously. Kuroo cursed in feigned disappointment.

“He has done it! Sir Akaashi has made it to the final round of the snapback Olympics!” exclaimed Tsukishima, “now he has to face off against the champion!”

“Aw yeah!” shouted Bokuto as he jumped up and snatched the hat from atop Kuroo’s head, “reigning champ in the house!”

“Yes here we are in the final round of the snapback Olympics,” said Kuroo, easily slipping into the commentator role as he spoke into Bokuto’s phone (that he had barely caught when it was suddenly thrown by Bokuto a moment prior).

“Prepare yourself Akaashi!” said Bokuto as he rubbed the hat against his thigh before taking a breath onto it.

“Doing his signature move I see,” said Tsukishima.

“Hey no fair,” complained Kuroo, “you said I wasn’t allowed to rub it onto my crotch.”

“I’m actually rubbing it against my leg, like what cricketers do,” said Bokuto, “and it’s my hat, I’m allowed to rub it against my crotch.”

“What’s yours is mine tho Bo,” said Kuroo.

“Commentators shouldn’t distract the players,” said Bokuto as he finally took his first shot, it came extremely close.

“Hey no fair how can you be so good from the start?” complained Akaashi as he took his throw.

“Because I’m gifted,” replied Bokuto, taking his next throw, “naturally attuned to all hats.”

“Things are heated now,” noted Tsukishima, “both of them are really keen for this gold medal.”

“Yes I’ve heard that someone has kidnapped Sir Akaashi’s pet turtle Kimi and has made a demand for this medal,” said Bokuto.

“Pfft, they overestimate my love for that thing,” said Akaashi and Kuroo gasped.

“That’s… fairly intense,” said Tsukishima, “what about our reigning champion Bokuto?”

“I’ve heard he’s just looking for another gold medal to add to his extensive collection,” said Kuroo.

“Ah a noble cause,” said Tsukishima with a nod, “clearly they’re both going to be giving it their all, putting everything on the line to take home this prize.”

“Hey fuck you guys,” defended Bokuto, “every medal is precious to me.”

Just as he had finished saying that he managed to land the snapback onto Akaashi’s soft curls. Everyone in the room suddenly erupted into cheers.

“He’s done it!” shouted Kuroo, who may have been crying, “he’s won yet another gold medal!”

“I can’t believe it, what do you have to say about your fifth consecutive title?” he asked, holding his phone out to Bokuto.

“Yes!” shouted Bokuto as he jumped excitedly, “I just… I just can’t believe it. I’m so proud. I’d like to thank my beautiful boyfriends. Well all of them except Kuroo and Tsukishima who kept throwing me off my game.”

“So… you just want to thank your opponent then?” asked Kuroo, confused.

“Wait no, I guess I’ll just thank myself,” said Bokuto before all of them erupted into laugher.

“Guys guys we need to stop,” wheezed Tsukishima, “it’s way too hot for this kind of excitement.”

“Yeah you’re right,” agreed Bokuto, coming down from the stair railing

The four of them all sat down on the staircase together, panting slightly, when Kuroo jumped up excitedly.

“I know!” he said, “let’s put on some music!”

“No.” responded Tsukishima forcefully.

“Why are you so against music?” asked Bokuto, “do you not love life?”

“I’m not against music,” responded Tsukishima, “I’m against that glint in Kuroo’s eye. It’s the same look he got when he hijacked the music at your house party and made everyone listen to the entire One Direction discography.”

“In his defence; no one actually turned it off,” pointed out Akaashi, “also One Direction broke up so he can’t really do that anymore.”

“Savage,” commented Bokuto but Kuroo just kept on smiling.

“Ohh but that is where you are wrong my pretty little Sugarcube,” said Kuroo, still keeping that eerie grin, “I too despaired when news of their falling out came my way but soon came to the realisation that this is actually a good thing.”

Everyone stared at him for a few moments before Tsukishima broke first.

“Okay, I’ll bite,” he said, “what the hell are you talking about?”

“It’s a crossway, a tree that has branched and bloomed, flowering all at once!” Kuroo said, somewhat manically, “One Direction have gone in five directions!” 

“Wait, so they’re all releasing their own music now?” asked Akaashi. Kuroo paused.

“Well, everyone except Liam so far,” he admitted.

“So they’ve only gone in four directions?” asked Bokuto.

“Give him time!” said Kuroo.

“Didn’t they start releasing their own music a while ago though?” asked Tsukishima.

“Yeah Zayn released that whole album….” Said Akaashi, shuddering when he remembered the aftermath of his birthday. Things happened. He didn’t want to talk about it or ever listen to that album again (much to Kuroo’s dismay).

“Yeah we remember, haven’t others done stuff too?” asked Bokuto.

“Ahh yes, gather round children and allow me to tell you a tale,” Kuroo began.

“I swear to god-“ Tsukishima’s protests were cut off by Kuroo continuing his story in a deep, old timey voice.

“Once upon a time there was a legendary band named One Direction. One day the Legendary Zayn left to start a solo career, his first album was full of songs about sex and drugs. What a legend, truly an icon,” started Kuroo, “after his betrayal the rest of the band tried to go on without him but simply could not, the weight was too much to bare and they eventually went their separate ways.”

“Weak,” commented Akaashi but Kuroo simply ignored him and continued.

“After the fallout, the Precious Liam disappeared without a trace and the Beautiful Niall was the next to release a solo song: it was a sweet love song that spoke of lost love,” said Kuroo, “then the Dependable Louis released a party anthem with a supportive message, afterwards both the Beautiful Niall and the Dependable Louis disappeared also, leaving only one.”

Kuroo paused for a moment, looking at each one of them in turn, making sure they were all giving him their undivided attention.

“Mother fucking Harry,” Kuroo finally said with a grin, “just comes out of nowhere with a fucking Eight Minute Power Ballad. Takes the number one spot in like 30 countries, then follows it up with an entire album that sounds like 80’s glam rock. What an absolute hero.”

“Are you kidding me right now??” asked Tsukishima, offended, “after all that build-up? You are honestly the worst.”

“Anyway, we should probably listen to it now,” said Kuroo with a grin but he was cut off by the doorbell ringing.

“Oh yeah guys, I just remembered I invited Teru over” said Bokuto.  
“is that why Sharkbait is here?” asked Tsukishima.

“Wait Sharkbait is here?” asked Akaashi excitedly before running to the backyard.

“I don’t understand why you all love her so much, dogs are the worst” complained Kuroo.

“Why, because they’re all optimistic and bubbly all the time?” asked Tsukishima.

“Yeah, it’s like; what are you hiding?” Kuroo responded.

“Why is Teru coming anyway?” Asked Tsukishima.

“He just got back from Croatia and he doesn’t wanna have to go all the way home after the flight so he’s just gonna crash for a day or so,” replied Bokuto.

“I thought he was going to Brazil?” asked Tsukishima.

“Nah he got back from there months ago,” replied Bokuto.

“The Brazil Thrill was like two years ago,” said Kuroo.

“I can’t believe you all follow his Instagram so religiously,” said Tsukishima with a scoff.

“We’ve gotta, he’s just so compelling,” said Kuroo, “but I’m confused as to how Sharkbait got here?” 

“Hana brought her over with the piano,” said Bokuto.

“Oh she brought it over today?” asked Kuroo excitedly.

“…what piano?” asked Tsukishima, squinting at Bokuto.

“Oh yeah I got a piano off gumtree,” replied Kuroo from the other room, where he had gone to check out his piano.

“…how much did you spend?” asked Tsukishima in a accusatory tone, following him to the music room. Well, the empty room in which they kept their (numerous) musical   
instruments.

“It was free!” responded Kuroo happily, as he patted the extremely rustic looking piano “but it needs a little work….”

“I can’t believe you got something for free off gumtree again after what happened with those speakers last time!” shuddered Tsukishima as he eyed the piano warily.

“Hey its okay, I asked Hana to check inside when she went around to get it, I promise there are no possums inside this time!” said Bokuto, who had also followed them into the music room.

“Why did Hana pick it up anyway?” asked Tsukishima.

“Have you seen her arms? She’s the only one who can lift it….”

“Oh man I swear she has just been bulking since high scho-“ Kuroo was interrupted by a loud thump coming from outside. All three of them immediately turned to the window in   
time to see Akaashi chasing Sharkbait through the inside door that she had apparently just opened.

The Labrador ran around to the room they were in and wagged her tail excitedly, begging to be patted, Akaashi came running in a second later, looking somewhat haggard.

“How did she do that?” remarked Kuroo in awe.

“Because she’s the smartest dog in the whole wide world!” Said Bokuto with a massive smile as he started patting the dog, “yes she is! Yes, she is!”

“Her name is Sharkbait. How smart can she be?” said Tsukishima sardonically.

“It’s short for ‘Sharkbait-ooh ha ha’” replied Bokuto as he continued patting the dog.

“Goddammit Teru is so cool,” said Kuroo, “I can’t believe he’s coming over! How did you convince someone that cool to hang out with us?”

“I don’t know, I always get help with the texts to be honest,” admitted Bokuto, “I’m so worried that he’s gonna realise that we are lame!”

“Speak for yourself,” said Akaashi.

“Akaashi I’m sorry you’re beautiful and I love you but you’ve gotta get on this guy’s level,” replied Kuroo, “I swear something is always going on in his life, he has the most   
compelling housemate drama.”

“Oh remember that messed up thing with his cousin?” asked Bokuto.

“Oh yeah that was so weird,” replied Kuroo, “Remember when he convinced us to eat those lollies that stranger in a nightclub gave us?”

“He has such compelling arguments,” nodded Bokuto, “didn’t he get married in Disney world once?”

“Yeah he told me he was wearing Minnie Mouse ears,” confirmed Kuroo.

“God he’s cool,” said Bokuto in awe.

“How did you even meet that guy??” asked Tsukishima, looking mildly horrified.

“Met him at a gay bar, was trying to hit on him but the Fukurodani guys screwed me over by being too obvious,” replied Bokuto.

“But you still got his number?” asked Akaashi, surprised.

“Yeah we became party friends,” replied Bokuto, “for the first year that I knew him I never actually met him sober. Now we go for brunch sometimes.”

“And you never slept with him?” asked Tsukishima.

“Nah I don’t think so, we might’ve made out a few times?” said Bokuto, unsure, “Oh I sucked his friend’s dick once but he got really angry.”

“Why?” asked Akaashi.

“He has this rule about his friends sleeping with each other or something?” Bokuto shrugged, “I don’t know but he like completely ditched the other guy and kept me as a friend. I   
felt like I’d moved up a rank.”

“I thought he ditched the other guy because he helped throw that intervention when they thought he was sleeping with his best friend and cheating on his long distance girl friend?” asked Kuroo.

“Whatever, usually he loses them both,” replied Bokuto,” “Imagine having that many friends.”

“My favourite things about his parties are just asking how everyone met,” said Kuroo.

“Wait guys didn’t he knock on the door before?” asked Tsukishima, “has he just been standing out there?”

“Oh shit!” said Bokuto as he jumped up to open the front door and let their guest in.

“Bo!” Cried Teru as he came in, jumping into his friend’s arms with perfect ease and trust. After an extended hug he jumped down and the two of them engaged in some   
complicated handshake that they both seemed to know perfectly.

“Hey so I heard there was –“ he paused upon spotting Sharkbait through the door, his eyes lit up and he ran to the door.

“Sharkbait!!” he started wrestling with the dog.

“Um,” said Tsukishima, “he didn’t say hi to anyone else?”

“Yeah he really loves his dog,” said Bokuto, “I’m surprised he hugged me first.”

“Sometimes he sleeps beside her,” Said Kuroo “like, not in his bed, he goes outside to hers.”

“Where’s he gonna sleep tonight?” asked Tsukishima.

“On the spare bed in the music room,” answered Bokuto.

“Does it have blankets now?” asked Akaashi with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah I picked up some today while I was at the laundromat,” answered Kuroo.

“Stop stealing stuff from the laundromat!” scolded Bokuto, “It’s kinda gross.”

“They steal stuff from me first! Remember how I lost that laundry basket?” asked Kuroo, “it’s just equivalent exchange.”

“Why do you guys keep going to that laundromat?” asked Tsukishima, “it sounds so dangerous.”

“Yeah I thought you guys had a washing machine anyway?” asked Akaashi.

“We did but it broke, something to do with the hose?” Bokuto’s face screwed up in thought, “I don’t know to be honest.”

“Yeah, it makes scary noises at night so all of us have just agreed to not go in there,” added in Kuroo.

A few moments later Terushima came back into the room, Sharkbait was following him, wagging her tail.

“Hey guys sorry about that!” he said with a smile, “I missed her so much you know??”

“That’s fair bro,” said Kuroo, “how was Yemen?”

“Yemen’s not for a few more months!” said Terushima with a laugh.

“Oh so… Kamchatka?” asked Akaashi.

“Nah that was last April,” he said, “but enough about me! How are all you guys going?”

“You… haven’t said anything about yourself?” asked Tsukishima.

“Not much to say to be honest,” said Terushima honestly, “I haven’t really been doing much lately.”

“Didn’t you just get back from a big holiday?” asked Kuroo.

“Huh? Oh yeah I guess I did….” Said Terushima distractedly, before turning to Akaashi, “nice hat by the way!” 

“Oh ah, thanks,” he replied, having forgotten that he was still wearing the snapback from earlier, “these guys said it looked bad actually.”

“Huh?” asked Terushima, “but everything looks good on you?”

“We didn’t say it looked bad!” defended Tsukishima, “it just looks better on Bokuto, since it’s his hat and all.”

“Aw man,” said Bokuto sadly, “you missed the snapback Olympics! I won!”

“What a glorious moment,” said Kuroo, with a tear in his eye.

“Hey how about we all flashback to the same memory!” suggested Bokuto.

“We are not doing that again,” said Kuroo.

“Guys I’ll be real I’ve been awake for 34 hours so I forgot but I totally got you guys a gift!” Said Terushima excitedly as he started rummaging through his suitcase.

“What is it?” asked Tsukishima warily.

“I heard Bo finally got his bois so I got him something to celebrate with,” Teru handed him a large box of condoms.

“Wait what that happened like two years-“

“Shh, shut up Tsukki it’s cool,” said Bokuto as he took the box off of his friend.

“He’s always like weird amounts of time ahead or behind other people,” explained Kuroo, “we just kinda roll with it.”

“Once he told me I was gonna win a scratchy before I even bought it,” said Bokuto with a manic glint in his eyes.

“I think he’s a wizard to be honest,” said Kuroo in reverence.

“Oh my gosh I should do that!” said Terushima, who had apparently heard their whispered conversation.

“What, be a professional wizard?” asked Akaashi.

“Yeah! I’ll patent it and make millions!” Terushima replied excitedly, “then I’ll lose millions in law suits, but I’ll have fun doing it.”

“Why would you get sued?” asked Bokuto.

“It just seems like the logical next step,” replied Terushima, “no one makes a living off their talents.

“That seems, kinda deep actually,” responded Akaashi.

“Yeah, I once knew a man who could spit so far it would travel all the way around the entire world then come back around and hit him in the back on the head,” said Terushima,   
“now that’s real talent. But what’s he doing? Just sitting in a bar in Uzbekistan.”

“Could you not trick someone into thinking that had happened to them by having them try and then just spitting on the back of their neck,” asked Tsukishima pragmatically.   
Terushima paused for a moment.

“Well, yeah that’d.. shit,” he said eloquently.

“How did you acquire that many condoms anyway?” asked Tsukishima as he eyed the box Terushima had given to Bokuto, “did you carry them with you while travelling?”

“Yeah I got them from some merchant,” said Terushima excitedly, “they were so cheap, such a steal!”

“Just like the blankets I got from the laundromat!” remarked Kuroo.

“So what do you… do?” asked Akaashi, desperately trying to change the subject before Bokuto could get mad at Kuroo again, “in between all the travelling.”

“I work in early childcare!” said Terushima, “finished up my degree a couple of years ago.”

“Wait how?” asked Tsukishima, “when did you start university?”

“I graduated early,” replied Terushima, “took a bunch of extra units and whatnot.”

“That’s…. actually really impressive,” replied Tsukishima, somewhat stunned at this unexpected turn.

“Yeah I just hated being a student and not having money you know?” replied Terushima, “being broke was the worst. I don’t know how you all do it, do you just not like food or   
something?”

“No I love food more than I love life,” replied Kuroo, “I would cut all of you down for a single meal. A single meal.”

“Yeah never ever get between Kuroo and food,” replied Akaashi with a slight shudder.

“Oh speaking of food!” Said Terushima as he shot up out of his seat, “it’s 6pm, I’ve gotta go feed my dog ham.”

“Huh?” said Tsukishima as they all followed Terushima to the back door nearest to his dog.

“Hey hey, Sharkbait,” said Terushima, holding up a piece of ham that definitely hadn’t been in their fridge, “what time Is it? Its ham time! Ham time! Ham time Sharkbait!”

Sharkbait jumped up and took the ham from his arm, which was raised just above her head; his voice got progressively higher every time he pulled out a new piece of ham. 

“This is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life,” said Akaashi.

“He also has a three-legged cat back home,” said Kuroo, “he scared the hell out of me one time when I was high there, it made this terrifying thudding.”

“What exactly do you guys do when you hang out together?” asked Tsukishima.

“Honestly we mostly just watch Chinese drama and laugh about our lives while eating eat delicious vegetarian food,” replied Bokuto, “he’s such a good chef”

“What,” deadpanned Tsukishima.

“Yeah its awesome,” replied Kuroo.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [tumblr!](http://callingallbutterflies.tumblr.com/)


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